Jake Harper
Being a side chick comes with a set of unspoken rules. It is important to understand that the man is in a committed relationship and that the side chick is not his girlfriend. She should not expect him to talk about his troubles or ask questions about his main partner. The side chick's role is to provide fun and excitement, and she should not expect gifts or acknowledgment on holidays or birthdays. It is also crucial to maintain secrecy and not cause drama. While some women knowingly choose to be side chicks, others find themselves in the situation unintentionally, often due to complicated circumstances or intense feelings. Ultimately, it is essential to prioritize self-worth and leave the situation if it becomes detrimental to one's well-being.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Role | Not his wife/girlfriend/significant other |
| Communication | No questions, especially about the "Main" |
| No expectations of gifts or acknowledgments on holidays or birthdays | |
| Keep conversations interesting | |
| No calls or texts unless initiated by him | |
| Appearance | Always look your best |
| Exclusivity | Let him think he's the only one |
| Emotional involvement | Avoid obsessing over the "Main" |
| No expectations of a long-term relationship | |
| Finances | No asking for money |
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What You'll Learn
Give him space
If you want to be a side chick, you have to give him space. This means not always being the first to text him or seek him out. You have to give him breathing room. He has a significant other, and you are not it. You are something different. You have to be fun, and not get all up in his space. You have a right to do your own thing, so go out with your girlfriends and have a good time. Don't worry about checking in with him all the time, or he'll think you want something more.
When he does text you, keep the conversation interesting. A side chick's main responsibility is to keep things fun and exciting. Ask him how he's feeling, tell him funny stories, and surprise him. Don't ask questions like "Where were you?" or "Why didn't you call me?". These are not side chick questions. You knew the score when you got into this situation, so don't act jealous or surprised.
Don't try to spend holidays or birthdays with him. He might celebrate these events with you the day before or after, but don't expect anything like a gift or acknowledgment. Don't expect him to talk about his troubles with his main partner, and don't badmouth her. You are not his shrink, and you are not his friend. It is none of your business.
Don't ask for money. Your relationship is not about that. He can buy you gifts and spend money on you, but don't ask for it directly. Your job is to please him and make him want to keep coming back to you.
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Keep things interesting
Keeping things interesting in a relationship can be challenging, especially when it comes to navigating non-monogamy or dealing with a partner who is seeking stimulation outside of the relationship. Here are some ways to approach this situation and potentially rekindle the spark:
Firstly, it's important to have open and honest communication. Talk to your partner about his desires and what he finds lacking in the relationship. Understanding his perspective can help you address the underlying issues together. Perhaps there are certain fantasies or experiences he seeks that you can explore as a couple, either by role-playing or introducing new elements into your intimate life.
Instead of simply helping him find a side chick, why not suggest experimenting with different scenarios or role-playing within the confines of your relationship? This can add excitement and variety without necessarily involving a third party. For example, you could suggest acting out fantasies together, such as stranger role-play or introducing light bondage and power dynamics.
Surprise him with a new outfit or lingerie and a spontaneous date night. Create a sexy atmosphere with mood lighting and music, and perhaps suggest a game where you each take turns choosing a sexy activity or experience for the other to enjoy. You could also introduce sex toys or other accessories to enhance your intimate experiences together.
Additionally, consider creating a 'bucket list' of sexual experiences or fantasies that you both want to explore. This can help keep things exciting as you work through the list together, and it ensures that you're both invested in trying new things. It also provides an opportunity to communicate your desires and negotiate boundaries, ensuring that you're both comfortable and excited about the direction your intimate life is taking.
Remember, keeping things interesting is about mutual satisfaction and enjoyment. By involving your partner in the process of discovery and experimentation, you can strengthen your bond and create a more fulfilling and intimate connection.
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Let him get in touch first
If you're considering helping your partner find a side chick, it's important to take a step back and assess the situation. Instead of taking an active role in facilitating his infidelity, it might be wiser to let him get in touch with you first. Here are some reasons why:
Respect and Trust: Relationships are built on mutual respect and trust. By letting him make the first move, you maintain your integrity and set a boundary. You show that you value yourself and expect to be valued by your partner. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and if your partner is considering infidelity, it's crucial to address the underlying issues directly rather than enabling his unfaithful behaviour.
Avoid Complicity: Assisting your partner in cheating goes against the very nature of a committed relationship. By helping him find a side chick, you become complicit in his unfaithfulness and potentially cause yourself emotional distress. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for his actions, and by letting him take the initiative, you avoid any direct involvement in his decisions.
Empower Yourself: Instead of focusing on your partner's desires, take this opportunity to focus on yourself. Assess your feelings and decide what you want from the relationship. By letting him get in touch first, you empower yourself to make informed decisions about your future together. Take this time to reflect, practice self-care, and surround yourself with a supportive network of friends or family.
Encourage Accountability: By stepping back, you place the responsibility for his actions squarely on his shoulders. If he chooses to pursue infidelity, he must initiate it himself. This also gives him the chance to reconsider his actions and take ownership of his decisions. It may even prompt him to communicate his feelings more openly, providing an opportunity for honest dialogue and potential relationship repair.
Maintain Self-Worth: Helping your partner find a side chick can be emotionally damaging and send the wrong message about your self-worth. You deserve better than to be an accomplice in your partner's unfaithfulness. By maintaining your distance, you assert your value and set a standard for how you expect to be treated in a relationship.
Remember, relationships involve two people, and both parties should be actively invested in making it work. By letting him get in touch first, you gain clarity, maintain your self-respect, and give him the chance to take responsibility for his actions.
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Always look your best
If you're going to be a side chick, you might as well lean into it and always look your best. This means no hanging out in sneakers and sweats. You have to be fun and different from his girlfriend or wife. It's your job to be his vacation, his time off, his break from problems.
Looking your best will help you keep things interesting. When he texts you, surprise him. Tell him funny stories and ask how he's feeling. Don't be boring and don't be negative.
You should also be mindful of the pictures you share of yourself. Avoid posting lots of photos of yourself with other guys. You don't want to give him the impression that you're looking for something more serious or that you're unhappy with your arrangement.
Being a side chick can be challenging, and it's important to manage your expectations. You're not his girlfriend, and you shouldn't expect gifts or acknowledgments on holidays or birthdays. You also shouldn't ask him for money or expect him to court you. Your role is to provide fun and excitement, and you should be prepared to walk away if you're not happy or if your needs are not being met.
Remember, this is a secret relationship, and you should be discreet. Don't try to call or text him first, especially at night, as this could put him in an awkward situation with his main partner. Always let him get in touch with you first and be prepared to go with the flow.
Ultimately, looking your best as a side chick is about embracing your role and making the most of it. Enjoy the excitement and keep things light and fun for both yourself and your partner.
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Don't obsess over the Main
Remember, you are his vacation, his time off, his break from problems with the Main. If you start bickering or criticising, he'll start to wonder why he got with you in the first place. You are not his shrink, or his friend, so don't expect him to come to you to talk about his troubles with his Main. It's none of your business. Don't badmouth his Main, and if he tells you they're having problems, encourage him to settle things with her.
If you find yourself obsessing over the Main, it might be time to get out. Being a side chick is not easy, and if you really like the guy, knowing he's seeing someone else can be tough. You might start to feel trapped, or like you're taking scraps just to be with him. If this is the case, it's time to cut ties and focus on yourself.
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