
Ending up as the side chick is a common occurrence for many people, and it can be due to various reasons. Some people intentionally seek out this role, while others find themselves in this position unintentionally. It is important to recognise that being a side chick often means being pushed aside and not being the top priority in a relationship. While some may romanticise this situation, it is crucial to see it for what it is and understand the potential consequences. People may become involved with someone who has a habit of cheating, and it can be challenging to break free from this dynamic without addressing the underlying issues. Additionally, individuals may find themselves in this role due to low self-esteem, a fear of commitment, or a desire for excitement and attention. Understanding the reasons behind this pattern can help individuals make more fulfilling relationship choices.
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What You'll Learn

Low self-esteem and self-worth
People with low self-esteem may find themselves in this position because they do not value themselves highly enough to demand more from a relationship. They may feel that they do not deserve commitment, exclusivity, or to be someone's first choice. This can lead to them settling for less than they truly want or need, such as accepting a situation where they are not their partner's main priority.
Additionally, low self-esteem can cause people to stay in unhealthy situations because they believe they cannot do better or that they do not deserve better. They may feel that being a "side chick" is the best they can get, or that they should be grateful for any attention or affection, even if it is not what they truly want.
In some cases, people with low self-esteem may also feel that they need to "earn" love or commitment by being accommodating, agreeable, and undemanding. They may feel that if they ask for more or set boundaries, they will be abandoned or rejected. This can lead to them accepting a "side chick" role because they believe it is the only way to maintain the relationship.
Furthermore, low self-worth can cause people to ignore red flags, accept poor treatment, and make excuses for their partner's behaviour. They may rationalise being the "side chick" by thinking that the main partner is somehow better or more deserving, as seen in one example where a woman felt that the wife of the man she was seeing was "a much better person than [she was]".
It is important to recognise that being the "side chick" often involves compromising one's values, needs, and boundaries. People with low self-esteem may struggle to assert themselves and may accept being treated as less important than the main partner. They may also be more susceptible to manipulation or gaslighting, such as when a man tells a woman, "you don't understand, I'm looking for someone to spend my LIFE with", implying that she is not good enough for a serious relationship.
To break this pattern, it is crucial to work on building self-esteem and self-worth. This can involve recognising one's value, setting healthy boundaries, and demanding respect and commitment from potential partners. It is also important to recognise that being the "side chick" often involves devaluing oneself and accepting less than one deserves. By working on self-esteem, individuals can learn to recognise their worth and make choices that reflect their true desires and needs.
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Lack of boundaries and assertiveness
Being a side chick often means that you are not a priority in the relationship. You may be made to feel special, but ultimately, you are being pushed aside.
If you are finding yourself in this situation repeatedly, it could be that you are not setting clear boundaries with your partner. Being clear about your expectations and what you will and will not accept is vital. If you are looking for a committed, exclusive relationship, this needs to be communicated. If your partner is unwilling to commit, it is important to walk away.
Being assertive and honest about your needs and feelings is crucial. If you are unhappy with being a side chick, do not fake being 'cool' with the situation. It is important to value yourself and your feelings and not settle for less than you deserve.
Additionally, it is essential to listen to what your partner is saying. Are they indicating that they are looking for other options or holding out for a potential future relationship that does not include you? Being aware of the reality of the situation and not ignoring red flags is important.
If you are finding it challenging to set boundaries and be assertive, it may be helpful to reflect on why this is the case. Are there underlying insecurities or fears that are preventing you from advocating for yourself and your needs? Working on building self-confidence and self-worth can help you feel more empowered to set boundaries and assert yourself in relationships.
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Fear of being alone
Ending up as the "side chick" can be attributed to several factors, and it is often a complex and multifaceted issue. One of the main reasons could be a fear of being alone. Here are some paragraphs exploring this idea in more detail:
Settling for Less
The fear of being alone can cause people to settle for less than they desire or deserve in a relationship. They may rationalize that being a "side chick" is acceptable because they are afraid of ending things and being left with no one. This fear can lead to a form of self-neglect, where individuals put their own needs and desires for a committed, loving relationship on the back burner to maintain a connection with someone, even if it is not fully reciprocal.
Codependency and Fear of Rejection
Another aspect of the fear of being alone is the potential development of codependency. Codependent individuals often have a deep fear of rejection and abandonment, which can lead them to tolerate unfair or unbalanced relationships. In this case, the "side chick" may feel that being in a partial relationship is better than the pain of rejection and being alone. This fear of rejection can cause people to stay in unhealthy situations, tolerating treatment that they would otherwise not accept.
Transitioning to a Non-Romantic Friendship
In some cases, the fear of being alone can lead to a reluctance to fully break things off with a partner. Instead of a clean break, individuals may try to transition to a non-romantic friendship or a "friends with benefits" situation. This can be especially true if the "side chick" fears losing all connection with the person. However, this can lead to further complications and prolong the pain of letting go, making it harder to move on and find a fulfilling relationship.
Self-Reflection and Awareness
It is important to recognize that the fear of being alone can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns. Self-reflection and awareness are crucial to understanding one's motivations and fears. By recognizing the fear of being alone as a potential driver of relationship choices, individuals can start to challenge this fear and make more conscious decisions. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also help individuals overcome this fear and develop healthier relationship patterns.
In summary, the fear of being alone can be a significant factor in why some people end up as the "side chick." This fear can lead to settling for less, codependency, and a reluctance to fully break away from unsatisfying relationships. However, by recognizing and addressing this fear, individuals can empower themselves to make different choices and find healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
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Prioritising excitement and passion over stability
It is important to acknowledge that the concept of being a "side chick" is often associated with excitement and passion, while stability is more commonly linked to traditional, committed relationships. This dynamic can be influenced by various factors, including individual preferences, relationship dynamics, and societal norms. Here are some expanded thoughts on prioritizing excitement and passion over stability in the context of being a "side chick":
The Thrill of the Forbidden: Being involved with someone who is already committed can create a sense of excitement and intrigue. The secrecy and forbidden nature of the relationship can be alluring, leading to intense passion and emotional highs. This is often a driving force for individuals who seek excitement over stability.
Emotional Fulfillment: While the "side chick" dynamic may not offer long-term stability, it can provide a sense of emotional fulfillment in the short term. Individuals may feel desired, appreciated, or even loved by their partner, despite the relationship's limitations. This can be especially true if the individual is experiencing a low point in their life, as mentioned in some personal accounts, where the excitement and passion of a "side chick" relationship can be a form of escape or a source of temporary happiness.
Avoidance of Commitment: Prioritizing excitement and passion can be a way to avoid the responsibilities and potential monotony associated with stable, long-term relationships. The "side chick" dynamic often lacks the expectations and demands of a traditional relationship, allowing individuals to focus on the thrilling aspects of the connection without the weight of commitment.
The Illusion of Possibility: In some cases, individuals may believe that their "side chick" relationship could eventually turn into a stable, committed partnership. They may feel that they are good enough or that their partner will eventually leave their main relationship for them. This illusion of possibility can keep people invested in the relationship, hoping for a future where passion and excitement transform into stability.
Power Dynamics: In certain situations, the "side chick" dynamic can involve a power imbalance, where the individual feels they have some control or influence over their partner. This sense of power can be exciting, especially if the partner is neglecting their main relationship to spend time with the "side chick." However, it is important to recognize that this dynamic is often unstable and may not lead to a lasting, fulfilling relationship.
It is crucial to approach these situations with self-awareness and honesty. While excitement and passion are essential aspects of relationships, prioritizing them over stability can lead to complex emotional challenges. Recognizing one's worth and understanding the potential consequences of these relationships is vital for making informed choices.
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Normalisation of cheating and side relationships
The normalisation of cheating and side relationships is a complex and multifaceted issue that has been gaining traction in popular culture. With terms like "side chick" and "side guy" entering the mainstream, there is a growing perception that these types of relationships are becoming more socially acceptable. While some people may choose to engage in these relationships consensually, it is important to recognise the potential harm and negative consequences associated with them.
One of the key factors contributing to the normalisation of cheating is the portrayal of these relationships in the media and popular culture. Celebrity culture, in particular, has been blamed for glamorising the idea of having a "side chick" or "side guy". This portrayal can influence societal attitudes and make cheating seem more acceptable or exciting. Additionally, the availability and accessibility of potential partners through social media and dating apps may also play a role in normalising cheating and side relationships.
Another factor is the perception of relationship alternatives. Some individuals may view monogamy as outdated or unrealistic, preferring more open or polyamorous arrangements. While there is nothing inherently wrong with consensual non-monogamy, the issue arises when one partner cheats or pursues a side relationship without the knowledge and consent of their primary partner. This can lead to feelings of betrayal, hurt, and emotional distress.
The reasons why people engage in side relationships are varied and complex. In some cases, it may be a result of unmet needs or dissatisfaction within the primary relationship. Rather than communicating their feelings and addressing issues directly, individuals may seek fulfilment outside of the relationship. This can be driven by fear of confrontation, pride, or a lack of willingness to compromise. Additionally, some individuals may struggle with commitment or have a history of cheating, making it difficult for them to maintain monogamous relationships.
It is important to recognise that being a "side chick" or "side guy" often involves being devalued and treated as a secondary option. While some people may choose this role consensually, it is often associated with emotional pain, heartbreak, and feelings of being trapped. The power dynamics in these relationships can be imbalanced, with the "side chick" or "side guy" feeling pressured to maintain the relationship by adhering to certain rules and expectations, such as always looking their best, keeping the relationship exciting, and avoiding confrontations or serious conversations.
To address the normalisation of cheating and side relationships, it is crucial to promote healthy relationship practices and communication. This includes encouraging open and honest dialogue about needs, boundaries, and expectations within relationships. Additionally, challenging the glamorisation of cheating in popular culture and raising awareness about the potential harm caused by these relationships can help shift societal attitudes and reduce their acceptance as a normal part of relationship dynamics.
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