Big Apple Bros Holla: Smooth Or Sleazy?

New York City is a bustling hub of activity, with its museums, bars, concert halls, and restaurants attracting a diverse range of people. Among them are men looking to meet women. With a higher ratio of women to men in some age brackets on dating apps, NYC may seem like a candy store for guys. However, this doesn't mean that dating is easy. The city's fast pace, career demands, and cultural norms can make it challenging for men to settle down or even initiate conversations with women. Some men resort to catcalling or come-ons, which are often perceived as disrespectful and intrusive. Others may struggle with knowing the appropriate times and places to approach women, such as avoiding public transportation, where it can be seen as desperate or even harassment. Navigating the dating scene in NYC requires a delicate balance of boldness and respect for personal boundaries.

Flirting techniques: Teasing, playful banter, and mixed signals

Flirting is a playful, light-hearted way to engage with someone you're romantically interested in. It involves banter, body language, and teasing. Here are some techniques to employ teasing, playful banter, and avoid mixed signals when flirting:

Teasing

Teasing is an art form that involves saying something playful that hints at "I like you". It's important to be careful with your tone of voice and the harshness of the tease. Imagine the other person as a playful little sibling; you're teasing them to get a reaction, not to insult them. For example, if they drop something, you could say, "Wow, you're officially the worst personal assistant I've ever had. It's not just that you're always clumsy, but you also wear these inappropriate outfits to the office. It's a joke, of course, but this time it's the final straw!" This type of teasing creates a fun dynamic and shows your interest in a subtle, playful way.

Playful Banter

The key to flirty banter is to maintain a playful tone while indicating romantic interest. This can be done through humour, clever remarks, teasing, and suggestive comments. For instance, you could pretend they're hitting on you, allowing you to be more direct about your interest. You could also joke about all the reasons why you two could never be together, planting the idea of dating or intimacy in a fun, lighthearted way. Make sure to use humour and tailor your banter to the person and situation to create a memorable interaction.

Mixed Signals

Girls generally don't appreciate mixed signals or playing hard to get. They want to feel wanted and confident that you like them. Instead of showering them with compliments one day and then disappearing the next, be consistent in showing your interest. Send good morning texts, wear something they've complimented before, and most importantly, be honest and tell them you like them.

Body Language

Body language is crucial in flirting and can turn playful insults into something more flirtatious. Use large, friendly smiles, a light tone of voice, open body positioning, and a relaxed posture to convey friendliness. Eye contact is also powerful; hold it longer than a glance, then break it before it becomes uncomfortable, building excitement.

Remember, flirting is about creating a fun, positive atmosphere while indicating your romantic interest. By using teasing, playful banter, and avoiding mixed signals, you can effectively flirt and increase the chances of mutual attraction.

Consent: Understanding boundaries and non-verbal cues

It's important to recognize that consent is an ongoing process that requires continuous attention and respect. Consent is about clear communication and respecting boundaries. Both verbal and non-verbal cues can indicate whether a person is consenting to sexual activity.

Verbal consent is easy to spot. If your partner says, “I want to, I want you to, Yes, don’t stop,” then you have obtained verbal consent. However, it's important to remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time, even if you’ve already started getting intimate. All sexual activity must stop when consent is withdrawn.

Non-verbal cues are given through body language. For example, a person might communicate that they don’t consent by pushing you away or shaking their head. Even if a person appears to be giving non-verbal cues that they’re into it, make sure you get verbal consent before continuing.

• Be consistent: Stick to your boundaries once they are set. Consistency helps others understand and respect your limits.
• Use "I" statements: This helps take ownership of your feelings and reduces the chances of the other person feeling blamed. For example, "I feel uncomfortable when..."
• Look for enthusiastic agreement: A simple "yes" might not always be enough. Look for enthusiasm in the response, as it indicates true willingness.
• Check in regularly: Especially in intimate situations, regular check-ins ensure that all parties remain comfortable and consent is ongoing.

Remember, consent should never be implied or assumed, even if you’re in a relationship or have had sex before. If you use guilt, intimidation, or threats to coerce someone into sex, even if that person says “yes,” it is not consent.

In-person flirting: Body language, eye contact, and light touching

Body language, eye contact, and light touching are all important aspects of in-person flirting. Here are some ways to effectively utilize these elements to convey your interest and build attraction:

Body Language

Body language is a powerful tool when it comes to flirting and can often speak louder than words. Here are some ways to use body language to your advantage:

• A warm smile: A simple smile can go a long way in showing someone that you're interested and enjoying their company. It invites them to approach and speak to you.
• Proximity: People naturally want to be close to things they like. Moving slightly closer to the person you're interested in can signal your comfort and interest, but be mindful of personal space and avoid making them feel uncomfortable.
• Lip bite: The age-old lip bite has been a flirtatious cue for decades and can subtly convey your attraction.
• Hand gestures: Be mindful of your hand placement. Keeping your hands in your pockets or on your hips may signal confidence, but it can also come across as intimidating or aggressive. Instead, try keeping your palms open and facing upwards, which signals honesty and openness.

Eye Contact

Eye contact is a crucial aspect of flirting, and there are several techniques to consider:

• Prolonged gaze: Holding a gaze for a few seconds or more can be inviting and flirtatious. Accompany this with a smile or playful gestures like playing with your hair or gently touching their hand.
• Glancing: Brief, repeated glances at your crush can be a subtle way to show interest without being too forward.
• Eyebrow flash: Raising your eyebrows slightly when they look at you is a way to show interest and can help put them at ease.
• Winking: While this can be flirtatious, use your intuition as it may come across as old-fashioned or creepy in certain contexts.

Light Touching

Touching is an important way to convey interest and build intimacy. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Start with light touches: A gentle touch on the arm or a soft brush against their hand can be a subtle way to show interest without being too forward.
• Progress to more intimate touches: As you get more comfortable, you can move to more deliberate touches, such as taking their hand or lightly running your finger along their forearm.
• Understand the intimacy ladder: Different parts of the body are considered more or less acceptable for touching. Generally, the shoulders, arms, and back are considered safer areas for light touching, while the face, waist, and legs are more intimate.

Remember, always be mindful of the other person's comfort and body language. Make sure your touches and proximity are welcome, and respect their boundaries if they seem uncomfortable.

Conversation starters: Asking questions and showing genuine interest

So, you want to know how to approach and talk to women, New York-style? Well, my friend, it's all about confidence, charm, and most importantly, knowing how to hold a conversation and show genuine interest. Here are some tips and conversation starters to help you out:

First and foremost, when you see someone you want to talk to, don't overthink it. Strike up a conversation naturally and confidently. New Yorkers are known for their directness, so be straightforward but respectful. You could simply start with a compliment. For example, "Hey, I couldn't help but notice your style. That outfit is amazing. Where do you usually shop?" or "You have a great energy about you. Are you from New York originally?" Complimenting something unique about their style or demeanor is a great way to show you've noticed them and are interested in learning more.

Now, showing genuine interest is key. Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing and show you're engaged. For instance, if she mentions she's into art, ask her about her favorite artists or exhibitions she's been to recently. You could say, "That's awesome! What inspires you about their work? Have you been to any gallery openings lately? I'd love to know your recommendations." By asking these types of questions, you're not only keeping the conversation going but also showing that you're interested in her passions and opinions.

Another great way to show interest is by asking for her opinion on something. New Yorkers love to share their thoughts and ideas, so this is a perfect way to engage her. For example, "I'm thinking of trying a new restaurant this weekend. I've heard great things about this place, but I'd love a local's opinion. What do you think? Any other spots you'd recommend?" This shows that you value her insights and are willing to listen and take her suggestions on board.

Be sure to also share a bit about yourself and create a connection. For instance, if she mentions she's into sports, and you recently went to a Yankees game, share your experience. You could say, "Oh, I love baseball! I actually just caught a Yankees game last week. It was an incredible atmosphere. Have you been to many games? I'd love to hear your take on the team this season." By sharing a personal experience, you're creating a sense of connection and common ground, which is essential for building rapport.

Lastly, remember to read the room. Not everyone will be receptive to your advances, and that's okay. Respect her boundaries and don't push if she seems disinterested. New Yorkers value their personal space and time, so if she's not feeling it, simply wish her a good day and move on. There are plenty of other opportunities to holla at chicks, my friend!

Texting: Sending pictures, casual messages, and compliments

When it comes to texting, New York dudes have a few go-to moves to try and charm the ladies. First and foremost, they understand the power of a well-timed and flattering photo. Sending a picture can be a great way to initiate a conversation or spice up a dull text exchange. For example, a guy might send a snap of himself at a cool NYC spot, like standing on the Brooklyn Bridge with the Manhattan skyline in the background, or enjoying a sunny day in Central Park. This tactic shows that he's not only a fun and adventurous guy but also proud to showcase the city they call home. It also gives a glimpse into his life and can spark interest and curiosity from the recipient.

Casual messages are also key. New York dudes tend to go for a laid-back and playful tone in their texts. They might send a funny meme or emoji-filled message to make their crush smile or laugh. Keeping the conversation light and fun is often the goal. Compliments are also a must. A simple "You look beautiful today" or "I love your style" can go a long way. New Yorkers are known for their directness, so they're not afraid to be straightforward and vocalize their interest. However, they also understand the importance of not coming on too strong, so they'll often mix in these compliments with casual conversation starters.

Timing is also everything when it comes to texting. New York dudes know that sending a message at the right time can increase the chances of a response. For example, sending a "good morning" text shows that you're thinking of them first thing, and it can set a positive tone for the rest of the day. Likewise, a "good night" message can leave a sweet impression as the last thing before bed. Additionally, they might take advantage of current events or shared experiences to initiate a text. For instance, if there's a big NYC event like the NYC Marathon or a holiday like Fourth of July with fireworks over the East River, they might use that as an opportunity to text, knowing that it's a shared experience they can discuss.

New York dudes also understand the value of keeping the conversation flowing. They might ask questions about her day, her interests, or her opinions on NYC life. By showing genuine interest and engagement, they create a sense of connection and build rapport. It's also common for them to use texting as a way to make plans and take advantage of all the city has to offer. A text might be sent suggesting a new restaurant that just opened, a cool exhibit at a museum, or a hidden gem of a bar, with a proposal to check it out together. This shows initiative and creates a sense of exclusivity, making the recipient feel like they're in on the secrets of the city.

Frequently asked questions