Emily Carter
Pick-up artistry and seduction techniques are often criticized for their treatment of women, and this is especially true when it comes to the objectification and fetishization of fat women. While some resources offer tips for how to navigate the minefield of dating and hooking up with fat women, others offer advice that is degrading and fetishizing. It is important to be mindful of any fatphobic biases and avoid making assumptions about a fat person's self-esteem or feeling that you are doing them a favor by showing interest. Successful flirtation relies on what you say and how you say it, and it is generally rude to comment on someone's weight or make assumptions about their body image. Confidence is key, and it is important to express genuine interest without objectifying or fetishizing the person you are attracted to.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Confidence | Important |
| Clothing | Loud, bright, ostentatious |
| Humor | Make them laugh |
| Fetishizing | Avoid |
| Comments on weight | Avoid |
| Compliments | Appearance-based |
| Online presence | Like their pictures, use emojis |
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What You'll Learn
Don't make assumptions about a fat person's self-esteem
When it comes to dating and seducing a fat person, it is important to be mindful of the assumptions and biases that you may have absorbed about fat people's self-esteem. Making assumptions about a fat person's self-esteem based on their weight is a common mistake that can come across as condescending and unattractive. Assuming that a person is insecure about their weight and will be grateful for your interest because of their size is a harmful stereotype that can negatively impact your interactions.
It is crucial to recognize that people come in all shapes and sizes, and each individual's self-esteem is influenced by a multitude of factors beyond their physical appearance. While some people who struggle with their weight may also face challenges with their self-esteem, this is not a given. Each person's experience is unique, and it is important to approach everyone as a complex individual rather than reducing them to their weight.
In the context of dating and seduction, it is essential to treat your fat love interest with the same respect and consideration you would afford anyone else. Avoid making comments that objectify or fetishize their body, such as "you're pretty for a fat girl" or assuming their sexual prowess based on their size. Such remarks can be demeaning and reinforce harmful stereotypes. Instead, focus on getting to know the person and expressing genuine interest in them beyond their physical appearance.
Additionally, be mindful of your own intentions and behaviors. Avoid acting as if you are doing a fat person a favor by showing interest in them. This implies that they should be grateful for your attention simply because of their size, which is condescending and offensive. Recognize that fat people, like anyone else, seek genuine connections, attraction, and appreciation for their personalities, interests, and unique qualities.
To navigate this, it is important to examine your own biases and ensure that you are comfortable with your attraction to fat people. Be honest with yourself and your potential partner about your intentions and preferences. If you find yourself fixated on their weight or feel the need to hide your attraction, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own attitudes toward fat bodies and work on overcoming any internalized fatphobia.
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Avoid commenting on someone's weight
When it comes to seducing or picking up a fat chick, it's important to avoid commenting on their weight. Here are some reasons why you should avoid doing so:
It Can Come Across as Fetishization
Some comments, even if intended as compliments, can come across as fetishizing. For example, saying something like, "I actually prefer a woman with a little more meat on her bones" or using phrases like "more cushion for the pushin’" can make a person feel like they are only valued for sex. It's important to focus on the person as a whole, rather than reducing them to their weight.
It Can Be Condescending
Assuming that a person's self-esteem is low because of their weight can be condescending and unattractive. It's important to avoid making assumptions about a person's confidence or insecurities based solely on their weight. Everyone has different levels of comfort and acceptance of their bodies, and it's crucial to respect that.
It Can Be Rude and Insensitive
Commenting on someone's weight, regardless of your intentions, can be considered rude and insensitive. Weight is a sensitive topic for many people, and bringing it up can make them feel uncomfortable or self-conscious. It's better to focus on getting to know the person and finding common ground that has nothing to do with their physical appearance.
It Can Be a Turn-off
Many people, regardless of their weight, are attracted to confidence. Instead of commenting on someone's weight, focus on exuding confidence yourself. Show that you are comfortable and happy with who you are, and that you are interested in them as a person, not just their body.
Tips for a Successful Interaction:
- Compliment their outfit, hairstyle, or accessories.
- Make eye contact and smile to show your interest and create a connection.
- Be yourself and be upfront about your interests and passions.
- Listen attentively to their stories and ask questions to get to know them better.
- Dress in a way that makes you feel confident and comfortable.
Remember, the key is to focus on the person's personality, interests, and unique qualities, rather than their weight or physical appearance. By avoiding weight-related comments, you can create a more positive and respectful interaction.
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Avoid fetishizing fat people
It's important to acknowledge that everyone has different preferences when it comes to physical attraction, and there is nothing wrong with being attracted to fat people. However, it becomes an issue when someone is reduced to their body, and that is all their partner is interested in.
Fat people, like anyone else, want to be appreciated for all their qualities, not just their body. Comments such as "I actually prefer a woman with a little more meat on her bones" or "more cushion for the pushin’" are gross and make fat people feel like they are only "good for" sex. It is also important to note that assuming a fat person has low self-esteem and that they will be grateful for your attention is a big no. This is condescending and unattractive.
If you are interested in a fat person, it is important to get to know them as a person and show interest in their personality, hobbies, interests, and life, rather than just their body. Avoid making assumptions about their life or trying to fix" them. For example, don't assume that they have had abusive partners or that they are always up for casual sex because they are desperate for attention.
When giving compliments, it is best to avoid commenting on their body at all. Compliment their outfit, their eyes, their smile, or their sense of humour. If you do want to compliment their appearance, a simple "you look great" or "I love the way you look in that dress" acknowledges their body without fetishizing it.
Finally, be mindful of your own language and behaviour. If you are dating a fat person, it is important to listen to them and respect their boundaries. If they feel fetishized, then it is important to have a conversation about it and adjust your behaviour accordingly.
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Confidence is key
Confidence is an essential factor when it comes to seducing or picking up a romantic partner. While it may take time to develop confidence, it is a highly attractive trait that can make you more appealing to potential partners.
For example, if you're a man interested in seducing a woman, confidence can be a powerful tool. Women often find confidence appealing, sometimes even more so than physical appearance. Being confident and assertive about your interests, goals, and ideas can make you more attractive to a woman you're trying to seduce. It's important to be yourself and feel confident and attractive in your own skin.
Similarly, if you're a woman looking to seduce a man, confidence is equally crucial. Men are attracted to women who carry themselves with assurance and self-belief. Dressing in a way that makes you feel sexy and confident can significantly impact your overall demeanor and how others perceive you.
Additionally, confidence can be expressed through your actions and behavior. For instance, making eye contact, initiating conversations, and engaging in activities that showcase your interests and passions can all be forms of displaying confidence.
Remember, confidence is not just about how you look, but also about how you feel and present yourself. It's about believing in your worth and value, and this can be a powerful catalyst in attracting potential partners.
While it's important to be confident, it's also essential to respect boundaries and consent. Confidence should not be mistaken for pushiness or disregard for another person's comfort level. Always be mindful of your approach and ensure that your actions are respectful and aligned with the interests and comfort levels of the person you're trying to seduce.
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Avoid fatphobic behaviour
To avoid fatphobic behaviour, it is crucial to recognize and challenge internalized fatphobia. This involves interrogating the fear of being associated with fat people and understanding that everyone deserves kindness, empathy, dignity, and respect, regardless of their weight. It is important to remember that weight is influenced by various factors, including genetics, health conditions, social and financial status, and medications, and that dieting and exercising may not always lead to weight loss.
Ditch weight-based language and descriptors, as they contribute to assumptions, prescriptions, and judgments about individuals. Instead, focus on body positivity and empower individuals with different body shapes and sizes. Recognize that fatphobia is a form of bigotry that often equates fatness with ugliness, inferiority, and immorality, and it can lead to depression, anxiety, and decreased access to employment and friendship. Challenge these stereotypes and misconceptions, such as the belief that fat people are lazy, unintelligent, or lack self-control.
Be mindful of structural fatphobia, such as restrictive seating in restaurants, classrooms, or public transportation, which creates barriers for people with larger bodies. When choosing a restaurant, check for sturdy chairs without armrests and adjustable tables to ensure comfort and inclusivity. Understand that fatphobia is prevalent in healthcare settings, with physicians often holding negative attitudes towards overweight patients, which can lead to misdiagnosis, mistreatment, and refusal of patients. Advocate for yourself or others if you witness weight bias or stigma-based behaviour and set boundaries on the kind of behaviour you will accept.
Recognize the influence of diet culture and the messaging that constantly pushes the idea that "fat is a fault and needs fixing." Understand that fatphobia is not just about outward behaviour towards others but also about how it influences our own thoughts and actions. Be mindful of how societal expectations and ideals influence our partner choices and challenge yourself to break free from these expectations. Remember that fatness exists on a spectrum, and each person will have unique experiences based on their position on that spectrum.
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Frequently asked questions
Confidence is key. Wear bright, fun clothing and make her laugh. Avoid making assumptions about her self-esteem based on her weight, and don't act like you're doing her a favour by showing interest.
Don't comment on her weight, even if you think you're giving a compliment. Don't assume she has low self-esteem or that she'll be grateful for your attention. Avoid fetishising her body or calling her a "BBW".
Compliment her appearance without specifically mentioning her weight. Show genuine interest in getting to know her and make her feel comfortable and respected.
Be cautious of resources that objectify or degrade fat women, such as the book "Big Lovin': The Guide to Picking Up Fat Chicks" by Matt Forney, which has been criticised for its disrespectful and misogynistic content. Instead, seek out advice from fat acceptance activists or body-positive influencers who promote healthy and respectful relationships.
