Sophie Bennett
Being a side chick can put your well-being in danger and damage your self-esteem. If you find yourself in this situation, it's important to know what to expect and how to get out of it. While it may be tempting to tell people about your relationship, especially if feelings get involved, it's crucial to decide if you are willing to maintain a relationship that can't be celebrated openly. You should also be prepared for last-minute cancellations and understand that your partner will prioritize their significant other. If you're unhappy, it's time to move on. Let your partner know how you feel and give them space. Take care of yourself, seek support from friends and family, and process your emotions. Remember, you deserve to be treated with honesty, respect, and appreciation.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Lack of transparency | Refusal to define the relationship |
| Partner is secretive | Avoids inviting you over |
| Partner rarely has time for you | Sporadic contact |
| Partner is breadcrumbing | Leaves breadcrumbs such as phone calls, text messages, and social media 'likes' |
| Partner hides their affair | Limits your visibility on social media |
| Partner refuses to allow you into their home | Always has an excuse |
| Partner refuses to introduce you to friends or family | Avoids introducing you to people who may spill the beans |
| Partner is not a priority | Constantly busy on holidays |
| You are not valued | You feel like a booty call |
| You are jealous | You ask questions like "Where were you?" and "Why didn't you call me?" |
| You are unhappy | You want something more |
| You are obsessed with the "Main" | You bring up the "Main" in conversation |
| You are no longer able to keep things interesting | You give short answers and act uninterested |
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What You'll Learn
Don't ask questions
If you are the one being cheated on, it is important to remember that you do not have to stay with someone who is hiding their spouse. Infidelity damages trust and respect in a relationship, and being a side chick can put your well-being in danger. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect, so don't let yourself stay in a relationship where you don't feel valued or appreciated.
If you are the side chick, it is important to remember that asking questions about the main partner or the relationship in general is not advisable if you want to keep things casual and fun. This includes questions like "Where were you?", "Why didn't you call me?", "Why are you always so busy?", "Why don't you ever see me?", and "Who were you on the phone with?". These types of questions may lead to disagreements and stress, which can cause the other person to wonder why they got involved with you in the first place.
As a side chick, your main responsibility is often to provide a fun and exciting escape from the primary relationship. Asking too many questions or seeking serious conversations about the nature of the connection can push the other person away. It is important to know your lane and go with the flow. If you find yourself wanting more from the relationship or feeling upset and frustrated, it may be time to reevaluate and consider moving on.
Remember, if you are the side chick, you got yourself into this situation, and there's no point in acting jealous or surprised when you already knew the terms from the beginning. If you are no longer happy with the arrangement, it is up to you to remove yourself from it.
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Don't expect gifts or acknowledgements on holidays or birthdays
If you're a side chick, you should know that you won't be a priority in your partner's life. They will likely be busy on holidays and special occasions like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. They will be spending this time with their main partner, family, or other important people in their life.
As a side chick, you should not expect gifts or acknowledgments on these special days. These days are reserved for your partner's main relationships, be it a spouse, family, or close friends. You may send a text to wish them a happy holiday or birthday, but it is not advisable to call them. They will most likely not be spending Valentine's Day with anyone other than their main partner.
If you are seeking a more serious or committed relationship, it is unlikely that you will find it as a side chick. Your role is to be a fun and exciting distraction for your partner. They will not want to have serious conversations about the nature of your relationship, and you should avoid asking questions like "Where were you?" or "Why didn't you call me?".
If you are unhappy with being a side chick and want something more, it may be time to walk away and seek a relationship where you can be a priority.
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Don't get obsessed with the Main
Being a side chick can be emotionally challenging, and it is important to know what to expect. You are not your partner's priority, and you need to understand that the relationship is a way for both of you to have a good time without worrying about where it is going. It is also important to remember that your partner has a significant other that they need to put first, and they will likely go to great lengths to keep their partner from finding out about you.
To avoid getting obsessed with the Main, it is advisable to avoid finding out too much about them. The more you know—what they do for a living, their name, what they look like—the more annoyed you may feel about your man seeing someone else. You may start getting obsessed with the Main, overly jealous, and even stalkerish, which is not good for your sanity. If you begin asking your partner about her, they will likely not want to continue the conversation.
Remember, you are your partner's vacation, their time off, and their break from problems with the Main. You should be a person they come to for a good time and to escape reality. Keep the conversations interesting, fun, and exciting. Avoid asking questions like "Where were you?" or "Why didn't you call me?". These are not your concerns, and you knew the nature of the relationship when you entered it.
If you find yourself getting obsessed with the Main, it may be a sign that you are no longer happy with the situation. It is important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings. If you are feeling upset and frustrated, there is no need to fake being "cool" with everything. While it is rare for a side chick to become the main, it is not unheard of. If you want something more, it may be time to move on and find someone who can give you what you want.
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Don't let them string you along
Being strung along can be emotionally taxing. The term refers to a situation where one person in a relationship keeps the other in limbo, usually without intending to commit or advance the relationship. If you feel like you're being strung along, it's important to reflect on your needs, communicate your expectations, set boundaries, and give the other person space to consider their feelings and intentions.
Inconsistent behaviour
If someone is keeping you as a placeholder, their behaviour towards you may be inconsistent. They may be hot and cold, acting snuggly one minute and then acting as if you don't exist the next. This can be a sign that they are only interested in what you can offer them and are not genuinely committed to making the relationship thrive.
Lack of introduction to friends and family
In a healthy, committed relationship, partners usually introduce each other to their close friends and family over time. If your partner consistently avoids meeting your loved ones or being around yours, it may indicate that they are not invested in building deeper connections with you or integrating you into their life.
Unwillingness to discuss the future
If you bring up talks about the future and your partner becomes evasive or brushes the subject aside, it could be a sign that they don't see you in their future. Similarly, if they used to talk about marriage and the future but no longer bring it up or seem uncomfortable when you do, it could indicate that they are no longer interested in taking the relationship to the next level.
Financial demands
Courtship is about emotional and physical connection, not financial support. If your partner frequently demands expensive gifts or expects you to pay for everything, it could be a sign that they are more interested in what they can get from you than building a meaningful relationship.
Lack of reciprocity
If your partner never initiates conversations, never asks to hang out, and keeps conversations short and basic, it could be a sign that they are not invested in the relationship. Similarly, if they freely accept gifts and favours but never reciprocate, it could indicate that they are taking you for granted or using you.
If you notice these or other signs that you're being strung along, it's important to communicate your concerns and set boundaries. Don't let yourself be treated as a backup plan or a "back pocket option". You deserve to be with someone who respects you, values your time, and is committed to building a future with you.
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Prioritise your well-being
Being a side chick can put your well-being in danger. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect, so don't stay in a relationship where you don't feel valued or appreciated. Letting go of your partner may be the right decision for your well-being. Take the time to care for yourself, including getting support from friends and family, seeking help from a therapist or counsellor if needed, and processing all of your emotions.
Don't let yourself be kept a secret. If you've been dating for months and haven't met your partner's friends or family, or you're always hanging out at your house, these are signs that you're being hidden from someone else in their life. A man who wants to be with you will make it a priority to do things together and introduce you to the people in his life.
Don't settle for being someone's side chick. You deserve to be a priority in your partner's life and to be treated with respect and honesty. If you're not getting what you want out of the relationship, it may be time to walk away and find someone who will give you the love and attention you deserve.
Protect your mental health. Being a side chick can take a toll on your mental health, especially if you start to become obsessed with the other person or feel jealous and insecure. If you find yourself constantly worrying about the other woman or feeling anxious about your relationship, it's time to re-evaluate and put yourself first.
Remember, it's never too late to start anew. You can leave a cheating partner behind and find someone who will treat you with the love, respect, and honesty you deserve. You don't have to settle for being a side chick; you can find a relationship that is fulfilling and secure.
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Frequently asked questions
If your partner rarely has time for you, only contacts you sporadically, or refuses to invite you to their home, these could be signs that you're the side chick. Other signs include them hiding their phone or social media accounts from you, and not introducing you to their friends or family.
It's important to take care of yourself first and foremost. This includes getting support from friends and family, seeking help from a therapist or counsellor if needed, and taking time to process your emotions. Be direct and honest with the person you're ending things with, and set clear boundaries to ensure a clean break.
This is a difficult transition to make and is much rarer than you may think. If you want to be more than a side chick, it's important to communicate your feelings directly and have a conversation about what you each want from the relationship. However, if the person is unwilling to define the relationship or commit to you, it may be time to walk away and find someone who can give you what you want.
